Hey.. Thanks for everything.. Feeling still down but much better right now...

Really wanted to say thanks to Yan Yan and also to Siang hao who are wiling to listen to my grandmother story of all my unhappiness.... Really appreciate them to be my part of my life as my friends.... Hahaha..... Even though i am still down in my emotions, but really want to thank them for everything that they did in my life... I like to share a lot to them as i felt that they are trustworthy and really feeling comfortable when i talk to them.... Hehez.... Hope to be friends forever with them.... Oh ya... By the way, let me say this: I don't know what we will be in the future, but right now really want to say THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIENDS... To all my friends around me.... Hmm and to those friends whom i have ever been offended to you: I'M SORRY AND HOPE THAT YOU WILL FORGIVE ME ONCE AGAIN.... Hahaha.... For those who knows me well please note that when i am "closing down" you will be the first/last that i will be closed to.... : DEPENDS ON MY MOODS LAH.... So hope that everything in my friendship line will goes on... Even though some of my friends may be in the past tense, present tense or continuous tense which i really don't know, but right now i want to say is: LETS US BE HAPPY FRIENDS BEFORE ANYTHING HAPPENS THAT MIGHT MAKES US STRIVE APART OR CLOSER..... HAPPY FRIENDS FOREVER!!!!!!!!! GOD BLESS!!!!!!!!!!

Haiz.... Being scolded by mother again....

Sometimes i really don't understand my mother... She is the one who give birth to me and yet the one who don't know me the best ever.... Even though i don't know myself yet, but i think those who are around me might at least observe me and know a little bit of myself... My mother is the one who always saying something to failed me and always by using very depressing words to hurt me while yet she is still complaining that she is the one get hurts most of the time... I know i cannot pass this comments as i am not a mother yet, but i think even i am a mother, i will at least try to understand how my kids feel before i want to condemn them.... I got no rights to condemn as in the Bible, God told us never to condemn with the still, imperfection in you.... So i will try to control my anger and to be slow to anger.... Recently, Pastor kong shared about the anger pyramid and that teaches me alot of things... !st in the pyramid is ANGER, the last of all the pyramid is the LOVE that i am seeking in my nature home.... Ever since i was young, i had so many hurts and fears and negative feelings... Thats why sometimes i felt that it is hard to love then to get love... I wish to get loved by others but i'm so afraid to love others as i scared that the person might not know my real intentions and use hurting words back to me... Haiz.... My life now is in the mess now... I can't see what will my future be right now.... i'm so confused and afraid to face the future of my life... What can i do????? Can anyone tell me???? Thanks....

I love God but I don't know how to love people

I am closing down right now as I am being hurt for lots and lots of time... By family problem and how others critise me... I really don't know how to listen to others and keeping on wanting people to listen from me.... I am so sad as i realise that i don't know how to love people.... I don't know how to love myself too... The only One i know how to love is God.... Maybe because only He knows how i feel and do really care about me.... Although throughout this and last page are all negative pages, but i really don't know how to be self encouraged this moment.... I felt myself to be crashing down and going to burst off anytime... I don't a heart to care anymore as i, myself had been so hurt.... I don't know what is call real friendship even though sometimes i pretend that i know... Please forgive me if you are one of my friends as if i really ever been hurting you in my words.... I felt like God is setting a test for me to pass right now and i can say i really very stress and really thinking of giving up.... I don't think i can carry on with the same cell group anymore.... I don't know why and i feel like backslidding and not going for the cell group meetings and what so ever.... I really felt very negative.... I can't breathe.... I am going to sink.... I feeling of dying right now....

What am I going to do?

I am in a confuse nowadays.... I don't know what am i suppose to do... I really want to be like a child, free of worries and had nothing much more to care.... I really want to forget the past and continue my future.... What am I doing??!!! Sometimes I felt that I am in such a wrong in doing certain kinds of thing.... I know that is bad, but why am I doing it???? i really don't want to go in deeper until there is no help... No... I want to go towards the godly side and never the ungodliness in my personal life... But what can i do??? Haiz... I am not a perfect person even though sometimes my words may be encouraging... I am not a good listener and i tried to be one... its hard sometimes for me to discover one's potential... As I don't even get to know myself better in the first... Oh no... what am i suppose to do?? can someone please help me.... Thank you....

Working experiences

Hmmm... its been long ever since i visit this web... Well, all this while, i had been working for my attachment at NTUC clementi B branch.... Its kind of mini mart actually... I had learnt that working is indeed hard and easy... Hard as in the hours is long and I got to disciplined myself this 2 months to wake up early to start work... Everyday is such a routine that I am quite use to it already... Everyday, I got to wake up at 6am to get ready and by 630 to 640am I got to reach woodlands Mrt station and I must take the train between 645 to 652am if not i will be late for my work... And i learnt from my work that we cannot cry over the spilt milk as it was already spilt, what we must do over the spilt milk is to clear it up and get on moving and to get another better one... Over there, My "specialty skill" is to mop the floor and to make sure every part of the shop is clean... I will felt uneasy if the floor is very dirty... over there, i also learnt somthing that i had refuse to be and that is the 'teamwork' of life... Even though we got to learn ti be independent, but the teamwork also must be there as so we can work it out fast and accurate... The manager had told me about the business concept which i think that is a very important thing i must know as even for the later job i get i need to use it too... Normally i am super lazy to move, but over there even i am sick, i got to make a point that i still need to be there as there might be a "short of hand" if i was not there... However, I really want to highlight is that I have learnt that to trust on God strength and to do His will as everything was planned of how and what it meant to be.... Throughout the attachment, I really depended on God's strength as for me, i cannot do it with my own strength... However, due to the attachment, there is somehow my relationship with God affected... I have not been really been praying and do His true will... And i want to make a point to build that relationship with God again when my schedule is set... I want to make a point to plan my time and a time for God as I love God truely with all my heart.... Even sometimes i am sick during work, i thank God that He gave me the strength to carry on... I will love God forever and ever.... For its Him who love me first... Amen... :)