Haiz.... Being scolded by mother again....

Sometimes i really don't understand my mother... She is the one who give birth to me and yet the one who don't know me the best ever.... Even though i don't know myself yet, but i think those who are around me might at least observe me and know a little bit of myself... My mother is the one who always saying something to failed me and always by using very depressing words to hurt me while yet she is still complaining that she is the one get hurts most of the time... I know i cannot pass this comments as i am not a mother yet, but i think even i am a mother, i will at least try to understand how my kids feel before i want to condemn them.... I got no rights to condemn as in the Bible, God told us never to condemn with the still, imperfection in you.... So i will try to control my anger and to be slow to anger.... Recently, Pastor kong shared about the anger pyramid and that teaches me alot of things... !st in the pyramid is ANGER, the last of all the pyramid is the LOVE that i am seeking in my nature home.... Ever since i was young, i had so many hurts and fears and negative feelings... Thats why sometimes i felt that it is hard to love then to get love... I wish to get loved by others but i'm so afraid to love others as i scared that the person might not know my real intentions and use hurting words back to me... Haiz.... My life now is in the mess now... I can't see what will my future be right now.... i'm so confused and afraid to face the future of my life... What can i do????? Can anyone tell me???? Thanks....